As mothers, we often find ourselves in a constant juggling act, trying to maintain order and balance in the midst of daily chaos. We dream of being the perfect mothers, seamlessly managing every aspect of our children's lives while also keeping our homes in pristine condition. But the reality is far from perfect. Many of us work, and these days lives are busier than ever. Truth be told, the chaos can feel overwhelming.
So just how do we get the balance right? How do we ensure everybody's needs are met (including our own) whilst ensuring bills are paid, meals are cooked, rooms are tidy and everyone gets to school on time?
Here's a quick guide to achieving that elusive equilibrium:
1. Let Go of the Illusion of Perfection
First and foremost, it's essential to release the notion of being a perfect mother. Perfection is an unattainable goal that only adds to our stress. Understand that it's okay to make mistakes, and your children will love you even more for your authenticity.
Furthermore, it is impossible for us to do it all.
Instead of trying to do it all perfectly, focus on one small area and do that well instead.
So, instead of trying to get the house tidy, do a whole week's worth of batch cooking, whilst playing and engaging with your children, focus on one thing. Want to be fun mum for a day? Accept that the house will be messy. Need to be productive? Let the children spend some time on their own, even put them in front of the TV for a bit longer than usual to get them out of your hair. Lower your expectations of having to be super human and you will notice that you can excel at one thing more, whilst feeling like a better mum in the process.
2. Prioritise Self-Care
This is one that as mothers we hear over and over again. But just how do we make time for ourselves when we don't even have time for our kids?
MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF AS IMPORTANT AS EATING AND GOING TO THE TOILET! SCHEDULE IT.
Self-care is crucial for maintaining balance. When you care for yourself, you're better equipped to care for your family. The best way I do this for myself is to block out time in my calendar. If someone asks me to do something when I am meant to be going for a walk, I will simply tell them I am busy. If time to yourself is a foreign concept, start small. 10 minutes a day. Build up to longer periods.
When your children see you prioritising yourself, they will grow up understanding that this is an important part of living a happy, well balanced life.
3. Embrace Controlled Chaos
If you are anything like me, you will find a messy bedroom hard to deal with. I have learned to overcome my control to have things just as I like it by asking myself this very simple question:-
Whose problem is it? If it is your problem, you can choose to let it go.
Is a messy room my kids' problem, or is it my problem. Is the fact that they decided to go out without a jacket their problem or my problem?
Most issues I have are not my kids' problem. They are mine. When I find that the problem is mine, I get to choose whether I can park it for now, or deal with it. It is all about picking my battles. And so I have learned to let things go, so I can focus on connection and fun when the time sees fit.
4. Get clear on your values
With regards to family, what is truly important to you? Here are a list of values which may or may not resonate:-
Empathy, respect, perseverance, contribution, free choice, fairness, teamwork,
compassion, courage, integrity, resilience, honesty,
kindness, patience, generosity,
As a family, work out what your 5 top values are. Then use these to help guide your parenting, holding boundaries in place which reflect them.
When you are clear on your values as a family, decisions become easier, boundaries make more sense and everyone becomes united in working together to live by these values.
A noteworthy point to make is that some of our values are aspirational. We may for instance think we value respect, but it is only a value we want to see from our children. If we shout at them for not respecting our rules etc, we are not living the value of respect, as we are not showing this to our kids. When we value respect everyone shows mutual respect for each other by listening, honouring and acknowledging each other.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
Learn to prioritise, understand your limits and set achievable expectations.
1. What expectations are you setting of yourself. What can you achieve in a day? What do you need to let go of?
Be realistic of your limitations and be kind to yourself.
You are not superhuman! Outsource where you can and seek support.
2. What expectations are you setting of your children? If they are 5 and you are expecting them to tidy their room on their own, is this realistic?
Learn about your children's stages of development and what they are capable of.
When it comes to tidying up, children up to the age of 7 need an awful lot of guidance, and the best way to get them to do chores is to do it with them. Begin to understand them more and then set your expectations based on their abilities. You will soon notice a difference.
6. Be mindful
Mindfulness can help you stay grounded amid the chaos. Put away your devices. Practice being present in the moment, whether you're playing with your children, doing chores, or having a family meal. Mindfulness can help you appreciate the small joys in daily life.
9. Build a supportive community
It takes a village to raise a child. You're not alone in your journey. Reach out to other mothers for support and advice. Have regular catch ups with a group of like minded people. Sharing experiences and learning from others can be incredibly comforting and enlightening.
10. Celebrate Achievements
Don't forget to celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. Whether it's a peaceful evening or a well-behaved shopping trip, recognise and reward both your efforts and your children's achievements.
Balancing control and chaos in motherhood is an ongoing process. It's about finding harmony in the beautiful mess of family life, learning to let go, and embracing the joyful moments that come your way. Remember, a happy home is not defined by perfection but by love, laughter, and the memories created.
Drop me a comment below to share with likeminded women tips and tools you use with your family to find that balance between control and chaos.
Need more support in getting on top of the overwhelm? I would be more than happy to be a listening ear. Book in a FREE 20 min chat with me here.
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